Brrrrr! Nah, not enough rs. Brrrrrrrrrrr

Damn, it was cold. Who the hell thought riding down the New England Highway in the coldest winter in decades was a good idea? Gibbo? I blame him. Him of the dirty great Victory with lots of fairing protection and heated hand grips. And he’s got that bloody heated vest thing. Sheesh.

Meanwhile, Nicko and I have stopped somewhere north of Glen Innes for piss number four- hundred-and-thirty-three since Boonah coffees. Shivering in the weak sunlight, digging through layers of jeans, thermals and underpants in search of the elusive jellybean. It’d be easier to tie a little ribbon around the offending slug and drag it to the surface like a yabby on a string.

Oh, hang on, it’s warm. The only bloody thing in this whole world that’s got a flicker of warmth outside the engines that are cold in minutes. What’s that about chill factor? If it’s two degrees and the wind’s blowing, then it’s probably minus something, right? Youch!

Can’t really blame Gibbo. The old UNEMC members have been winter riding most years out of the last 47. In fact, this ride was planned by Rocket Rod who, having passed his three score and ten, should know bloody better. I guess a club spawned in Armidale, the Athens of the northern highlands – if Athens had 48 pubs anyway – shouldn’t be frightened by a ride in the cold. Maybe we just didn’t feel it back then.

Nope, Guyra rumbles past with a flashback. Forty years or more ago, a bunch of us huddling around the hand blower in the garage toilet, trying to thaw out fingers. A certain member not getting his own member through enough layers, slowly flooding his boot as he leaked down the inside of bright yellow waterproofs. Good thing it was raining.

I’d brought the Superglide and Nicko was on his Honda/Harley. He’s got one of those rare VTX1300s, the Hondas made in Marysville, Ohio, some 20 years ago. Styled off an old Buick and built around a liquid-cooled 52-degree twin with shaft drive, they’re typically Honda, totally reliable. I rode his Honda and my old Road King back-to-back years ago and couldn’t believe how much more efficient the Honda was. Marketing wise, it was stunted by brand loyalty but, like America’s democratic ideals, something that’s left the building these days. Harleys have been put together in Thailand since 2018, the same year they discontinued the Dyna range. My 1580 Superglide is a 2012 model, before key fobs and built-in security.

Unfortunately, long before heated hand grips, too. Damn, the old GS came with them standard. Why didn’t I bring it instead? Why are we even here, all frozen grins and cold, stuttered swear words?

That night, huddled around the fire in a Uralla pub with the other lads and well past the fifth or sixth shout, it starts to make sense. Somehow, somewhere, this ritual blood freezing is a link to a warrior past. To times long before the softness of a sealed box on wheels, to days when men marched in freezing rain and clashed shield walls in a frenzy of blood and ice. The contrast of the warmth and camaraderie of a pub fire after a day of battling the elements. Life before death; it’s all about the contrast.

Later we’d argue about whether the morning in Wellington was colder than Baradine. That half-an-inch of ice on the seat and the sun glinting over a fence like a flickering candle was more chilling than mist-filled valleys long into the morning’s ride. Lunch might see a layer or two peeled off, maybe the glove liners tucked in a pocket with the extra neck sock.

Winter days down the New England can be bright and crisp like ice cubes dropped into a glass – but by mid arvo, when it’s almost warm, the dial turns back to single figures and thoughts turn to a whiskey and a fire.

I heard some people in northern countries roll out of steam-filled saunas into the ice flow just to shock themselves back into life. Good for them. We’ve got the winter ride, a week’s worth of belting the reset button so hard until only the primal needs matter. Warmth, shelter, mates and the strength of steel carving the air.

Gee, that was fun. How about another ride next month? Bring it on!